"I think it is hard to be a gay male. I think it’s hard being black. Even living in the cultures that we live in, I think there’s a lot of what I call body capitalism. I feel like I’m seen more for my body and my body means certain things in our society and culture. When I look into the mirror, I have to give myself a little pep talk most days.
Being a black gay man usually there’s an expectation. I’m fetishized before I’m sought out for a relationship, usually. Most times, it feels like I’m not fitting that image if I’m not dating a certain way or presenting a certain way. I have to work twice as good to do just as good. So there’s all this expectation that I have to be the perfect black gay man. I have to articulate myself well. I have to understand systemic issues. I have to be happy. I can’t be too angry. I have to represent homosexuality to a straight world and blackness to a white world.
By speaking out about being black, I’ve felt like I’ve put my gay relationships at risk particularly with white men. If you’re honest with them about their own blind spots about race, then you’ll undermine the relationship, which is already fragile because it’s a marginalized relationship anyway. You don’t want to put those relationships at risk. We need one another in many other ways. You don’t want the race to get in the way even though it can’t not be in the way."