i love my lgbt body trans femme eating disorder

Finding your space as a trans queer femme is so hard, especially as a plus sized person. 

I had really bad bulimia. And I was dealing with a lot of intense self harm because I would look at myself and I would see scars from past surgeries or I couldn’t see my feet when I looked down, or my breasts were saggy. No one talks about that in the media, and everyone in high school was starving. There aren’t spaces to talk about it. It’s not just skinny white girls. There are beautiful, fat people who have eating disorders.

I usually identify as either gender non-conforming or trans femme. I feel like I’m always transcending whatever gender is. I’m okay with my body parts and I also know they don’t determine who I am. I can be a feminine person as well as be a masculine person, and still be me. As a gender non-conforming person, there’s not a lot of representation for us. It’s usually just the binary. 

Being trans is not just, 'I’ll get surgery and then I’ll be happy.’ It’s a process. For me, it was a lot about being able to claim my identity without being ashamed of it, without someone saying, ‘Oh, you’re not trans enough.’ Or, ‘You dress too like this, so you can’t identify.’

Leon Silvers