i love my lgbt body black body image eating disorder

Being a dark skinned black person, especially in the LGBT community, you grow up thinking people don’t really want you. So I developed this idea that my body is what’s going to make up for that. I developed a few eating disorders. I would often throw up after meals and I would go at max three days without eating and then have a little something afterwards. 

I feel like a lot of insecurities developed my eating disorder. When you see a ton of white studs representing the LGBTQ community, it’s kind of hard to see where you fit in there. I was around thirteen when it started. It’s hard to see yourself in a positive light when you’re not being represented in a way that you feel proud of. It wrecks your confidence completely, so you try to find other ways to feel confident. They might not be the best ways, but it’s something that helps you feel like maybe one day you can reach that goal of attractiveness or desire in a community that you want to be accepted in. 

I’ve always valued a more feminine body. The ones that you see in the magazines, the models, in their bikinis, looking absolutely gorgeous. I’ve always gone after that. And that definitely contributed to an eating disorder, considering that I am a male bodied individual, so I was not born with the curves and the physique of a woman. It was difficult to come to terms with how my body won’t look like that. I can still love how my body is, but it’s difficult. It really is. Recently I’ve gotten better. I’ve gone to therapy, I’ve seen doctors, and now I have a more healthy eating habit, which is very awesome and I’m very grateful for it.

Leon Silvers